If there’s one trait that defines me – it’s stubbornness. It took me 11 minutes to write that opening sentence and 2 months to publish this post, because between starting and ending I opened four new tabs, made myself a cup of coffee, answered a phone call, moved apartments, and went chasing a fluffy white rabbit down a rabbit hole.
Ok, so the last one wasn’t me.
But as a matter of deepest principle, I will never let my personal inadequacies prevent me from finishing something (e.g. a piece of writing or a giant cake) I started – no matter how bad. It only pays to stop something if the efforts are jeopardizing your ability to live your life according to your primary values.
What I fear more than failure itself is stagnation. ‘If you rest you rust’ – I’d hear this whisper grow louder and louder every time I felt stuck in a situation. Sometimes this was as a result of my own indecision and overanalyzing – other times there were external factors blocking me from doing my job.
But here I am – stuck.
Being stuck is sometimes good. It forces us to pause and recalculate what we are doing and why we are doing it. Shaping yourself to become someone means reflecting often and practicing self-awareness. We get so caught up with trying so hard, that we often chase what needs to be forgotten, and revisit places we should’ve left long ago.
At some point in the various journeys we embark on in our lives, we get to a point where we are stuck – and wriggling our way out of the situation can feel unnervingly similar to moving wildly in a swamp – sometimes the best thing to do is nothing.
But I keep trying. I keep fidgeting. I keep fighting.
To me, progress was about moving forward (not past something). Success comes after that.
We try so hard to keep the fire burning – to fix the broken pieces but the truth is we have to let it go.
To glide. To go with the flow.
We have to allow ourselves to be broken for a while to see what we are truly capable of. Because being stuck means stripping away of the inessential, and to stop pretending to be anything other than who we truly are.
As paradoxical as it may sound, being stuck has set me free because as my greatest fear was being realized, I realized that I was still alive.